I grab the piece of paper, look at it
for a moment and then quickly scribble down a name. Others around me
are writing as well, and when we hand in our papers, the names are
read aloud. “Ugly...stupid...worthless.” The task had been to
write down a title – one we had given ourselves or been given by
others. It was a standard exercise for a group of youth, many of
whom, no doubt, were struggling with their self-image and self-worth.
The names are still being anonymously announced, “fat...dumb...”
and when the list comes to an end, all the titles are decisively
announced to be a lie. “No one in this room is any of these
things!” declares the youth leader, “You are not dumb or fat!
These are lies!”
Exercises like this one are common. And
as we went back to the front of the room and ripped those names to
shreds, the tears on faces indicated why. This is a touching subject
for many people, and an opportunity to kick back at a deep-rooted
pain. Beauty and self-worth are an emotionally-driven issue,
and as such, are a frequent go-to for a leader looking to make an
impression on young lives.
There is a question on my lips I am
dying to ask. “Upon what authority do you pronounce these lies?”
It's not that I think I am dumb or fat, I just want to know
what basis
she has to claim I'm not. Of course, I don't ask. I respect her as a
leader, and the time she spent preparing, and I respect
the value of tearing down lies pronounced by others. But I can't help
but notice that a Bible has not been opened the entire evening. I
also wonder about the people who put down terms like 'unathletic.'
This too was just pronounced to be a lie – shall we head to the
soccer field and see if this assessment is true?
How we view ourselves is very
important. We were created in the image of God (Gen. 1:26-27, Gen.
9:6 1 Cor. 11:7), and are now viewed in union with Christ (Romans
6:1-7, 1 Corinthians 1:30, Galatians 2:20, Eph. 5:31-32). Debasing or
underselling ourselves means looking poorly upon the image of God. On
the contrary, we are to judge ourselves wisely, not think little of
ourselves, and recognize the gifts He has given us (Rom. 12:3-8). God
has defined who we are, and the mean names of other folks on the
playground don't change that. But then again, the kind words of a
youth leader don't
either. God has defined me, and no human being – well-meaning or
not – can change what I am.
Now the names being written on a slip
of paper are positive. We jot down titles others give to us. And I am
told to stand up and declare to everyone what others tell me I am.
The titles ring out around me, “beautiful...valuable....enough.”
I don't regret what's happening, I just wish someone would open a
Bible. I just wish that the tears that are flowing would be because
young people were realizing the majesty of what Christ has made them
into. But instead, they stand and weep because of what a youth leader
has declared to them to be true.
Biblically, God is the only one with
the authority to declare what is good, very good, not good or corrupt
(). Whenever people start determining what is 'good' and 'not good'
in their own eyes, He is displeased (Judges 17:6-21:25, 1 Samuel
15:7, Psalm 36:2). No youth leader, no pastor, no councillor, no well
meaning person has ever had the authority to declare anything to be
beautiful. It is simply not for you to decide. I'm all for
compliments. But when an affirmation comes from a friend, it comes as
an opinion. This is different. I am being decisively told that the
affirmation I am hearing is definitive 'truth' as though this person
who values my self-esteem comes to me with more than an opinionated
compliment. They come proclaiming supposed truth.
God has declared in His Word that those
remade in Christ are both His beloved children and His beautiful
bride (1 John 3:10, Ephesians 3:18-9, Ephesians 5).What Christ has
made us is the only thing beautiful about us. In regards to outward
appearance, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who
fears the Lord is to be praised” (Proverbs 31:30). And
in regards to the heart, there is nothing but the ugly rebellion
towards God (Romans 3:10-18, 5:12). So when you declare to a
group of youth that they are beautiful, to what do you refer? The
deceitful and vain outward beauty? Or their inward heart, which is
corrupt and wicked? The only beautiful thing in me is Christ. Perhaps
if you would like to affirm and encourage those under your teaching
you should affirm them in Christ. You should remind them of what they
have been transformed into in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17), you should
remind them of the love God has for those who confess Jesus (1 John
4:15-19), and you should remind them of what glory now awaits them (1
Thessalonians 4:17, Philippians 3:21). If there is to be affirmation,
it ought to be affirmation in Christ. Paul certainly understood this,
for when he affirms and encourages the churches he writes to, he
affirms them in Christ. No affirmation comes from Paul that is not in
direct reference to the ongoing work of Christ. If you desire to
affirm beauty, affirm the beauty of Christ.
And I know what the response is –
that we must address the physical needs of people in order to address
their heart needs. We must wade through the shallow to get to the
deep. But in 'wading through the shallow' you have unwittingly
undermined the gospel itself. To define people as good outside of the
gospel leaves them without the need for a saviour. As the youth
leader reads off titles such as 'lovely' or 'enough' I wonder why the
person referred to should ever seek a Messiah. After all, isn't that
the whole point of the gospel - that we aren't enough? Isn't the
simple message of the Bible that we are poor, wretched, pitiful and
blind? That we are in much need of the gracious Saviour who was
willing to come and reside among those of us in such a poor
condition? He came only to those who are able to recognize the
ugliness of their own condition (Mark 2:17). In addressing the
surface issues, do not assure someone that they are anything other
than a poor soul in need of grace. Why would you affirm them in their
present condition? If you want to recognize purity, beauty and
goodness then point to Christ. Never to those you are speaking to.
It is often the tendency of those in
ministry to seek to speak to the perceived need of the culture they
are in. And many have perceived – perhaps correctly – that our
youth groups are filled with many who have a wrong view of
themselves, and who think of themselves poorly. The correct strategy
is not to identify a need and try to meet it. The correct strategy is
to show those with a need that Christ is able to meet that need.
Don't tell the young people under your care that they are beautiful.
Tell them that Christ is beautiful, that He lives in corrupt people
and transforms them to be more like Him. And when we are transformed
to be more like Him – in that there is beauty.
Do not tell me I'm beautiful. Show me
where God says I'm beautiful. You have no authority to speak apart
from the revelation He has given. Teach about the true condition of
man. Teach about our need for the cross. Focus on Christ. Show me
Christ. And for goodness sake, use your Bible.
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